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midnight.pub midnight.pub/posts/2837

I knew it had been awhile, but not almost 9 months!

I’m glad some things haven’t changed, like the Midnight still being here. On the other hand, the titular reset button from my last post has not been located. We had a low-key family trip to the beach a little while ago, and it again reminded me that I *really* need to change something.

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One of the things they don’t tell you when your brain is broken in some way is that a lot of things like “conventional wisdom” are simply unhelpful. There is a degree of “draw the rest of the owl” to much of the advice I’ve seen, even when it otherwise seems on point.

There is reason to be hopeful nonetheless. The fact that I keep getting reminders that change is needed means both that I’m on the right track and that it’s not too late.

It seems like one of the inevitable

cycles of life is changing social

These are positive changes even if I’m uncertain how specifically they’ll play out.

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My personal meds regimen has changed since I was here last, but still remains a work in progress. Some things are better: reduced background noise, at least when the newest med is in my system. Unfortunately it’s not the kind that builds up in your system and stays there, so I have to really be on top of my dosing schedule. The “background noise” has been present for so long that even now I don’t consistently notice it when it comes back, even if I do notice when it’s good.

Motivation and energy levels remain

a big issue, however. I’ve long

While helpful, this is also where most “get things done” strategies, whether directed at neurotypical people or those of us with atypical chemistry, break down. Forcing deadlines on myself doesn’t work since it’s too easy to let myself off the hook; if I could adhere to the self-imposed deadline I wouldn’t need it. I need to re-watch the bit talking about ADHD specifically, since that makes this stuff a lot harder, but here too I don’t recall any strategies that seemed viable.

This aspect of my brain makes things a lot more complicated, especially due to the lack of consistency. I can find a strategy that works once but then doesn’t the next however-many times, or that doesn’t work the first n times I try it but could work on try n+1. The stimulants I take help but here too not consistently, and if nothing else I burn through them a lot faster than average (I’m lucky if I get 5 hours out of an extended-release formulation that’s supposed to last 8+).

I have been wondering to what

extent I’ve become dependent on

~bartender: I recently developed a taste for Diplomático rum, if you have some.

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